So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
