somebody snuck up and got me drunk
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
