Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
