No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
