Operation Purity has been aborted
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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