I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
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