Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
