I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
