I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
