I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
