in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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