On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
