Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Randomize
