So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
