wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
