nut hugger
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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