hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
handjob tips. give me some.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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