Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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