there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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