R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
