i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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