Christians are straight up FREAKS
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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