I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
