We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
