i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
