I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She announced her abortion via fbk
Michael Bay diarrhea
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
