I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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