I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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