Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
