I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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