Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
