Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
