this beer tastes like vomit already
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
