eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
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