I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
