he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
if only i could text you this smell
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
