love makes seman taste better
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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