I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
