She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
