i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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