this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
it glows. i had to have it.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
