He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Can I color on your dick again?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
