oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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