I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Randomize
