I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
