Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
