is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Panties = found
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