Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
love makes seman taste better
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
