I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I want to be your penis for a week.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
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