the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Houston, we have a blender
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
